All posts by Christian

Can I Save My Marriage Alone?

 

What if your spouse handed you a tiny, white bean? What if he/she said, “Swallow this magic bean and it will save our marriage”? What if you swallowed the magic bean, but nothing happened. Where was the marriage magic?

It’s not easy to try to save your marriage. If all the people in troubled marriages could swallow a magic bean, divorces would become extinct.

Did you know the most difficult thing to do is acknowledging your part in marital strife and assuming responsibility for your portion in originating the problems?

Do you want to heal your marriage?

How can I Save my Marriage Myself?

What do you think the person said to his/her spouse when the magic bean failed to manifest happily ever after?

It’s human nature to blame your spouse for everything that goes wrong in the marriage. Blame feels right! Somebody needs to be held accountable and it’s not going to be you!

It seems to soothe our self-esteem to reflect on his/her character, maturity or personal style rather than taking responsibility for our own actions.

Don’t let yourself get caught in the never-ending circle of blame. You will find yourself slipping into blame when you start making “you” statements instead of “I”.

“You are stupid to believe in magic beans.”

“You broke your promise and the marriage is still broken.”

“You were mean to play that dumb practical joke.”

Instead of blaming your partner, you can’t go wrong by describing your personal experiences.

“I feel disappointed…”

“I feel disrespected…”

“I expected something else…”

Enough about magic beans.

 

The important thing to remember from our imaginary exercise is that although blaming the other person can give you a self-righteous glow, it can’t help you negotiate your problems.

Unless you’re clairvoyant, you cannot articulate your spouse’s point of view. Instead, you are falling back on the familiar bad/mad blame game. (“He is always totally selfish.” “She is totally irrational.”)

Another reason we resort to blame is feeling helpless. You realize you didn’t cause the problem, but instead of identifying a conflict, you choose to blame it on your partner.

Would you rather be right or be happy? You can open a new vista of possibilities by admitting when you were wrong.

 

How Can I Save my Marriage Myself ?

By making positive changes:

 

When you stop pointing fingers and making accusations you will experience a positive energy shift. As you begin your journey to self-improvement you will naturally initiate positive changes.

When your spouse begins to observe your enhanced self-worth, it acts as an impetus for him to make healthy changes. The important thing to remember is that you can change yourself but you can’t change your partner.

As you break negative habit patterns, such as complaining and blaming, chances are he/she will respect your new thought and positive influence. Don’t be surprised if your spouse begins following in your footsteps.

What you are doing, perhaps without knowing it, is creating a win/win environment. You’re learning to stop and take a cleansing breath before expressing hostility. You’re starting to realize that if you scream and blame, you’re wasting valuable time being frustrated.

It’s all about reacting immediately to what your partner did or said. Instead take a few seconds to be silent. Ask yourself, how did what he/she did or said affect me? Try to identify your feelings. Am I angry, insulted, hurt, betrayed?

You can’t respond if you don’t understand how you feel. Instead of reacting from anger or fear, tell your spouse exactly how you feel. Maybe this won’t work for the first six or five times.

That’s O.K.! Your marriage didn’t deteriorate magaically. When you are the only one working on saving your marriage, you only need to believe you can do it.

Here is a helper tool: After a confrontation that ended unsatisfactorily, take some quiet time alone. Write out the event exactly as you remember it happening.

Now, close your eyes and let the event unfold in your mind but with a better resolution. Afterwards, write out any insights about what you could have said/done differently to create a happier ending.

How can I save my Marriage Myself Quickly?

Kill them with kindness.

Aren’t universal truths wonderful? They are wonderful because they work! Countless scientific studies have shown that couples who are kind to each other stay together.

You’re learning to communicate better. Taking the blame out of communication leaves a void. One of the best ways to save your marriage by yourself is to fill that gap with kindness.

 

Rebuilding Trust After An Affair

 

Marriage is based on trust. If you and your spouse are struggling to rebuild trust after an affair, it’s essential you are both committed to repairing your marriage.

 

When your spouse is unfaithful, it is devastating to everyone involved. As a victim you feel betrayed, shattered and empty. You’ll question every aspect of the relationship. The spouse who cheated feels guilty and shameful.

Children will feel the tension and witness the pain that both of their parents go through – even if they don’t know what is going on. In family pain, one person’s pain is everyone’s pain.

Many people look at a relationship that is recovering from an affair and place the burden of everything onto the unfaithful spouse. That person should be responsible for rebuilding the trust, they say.

That person should have to prove their remorse, their intent to be faithful from now on, or whatever they feel that person owes the other. And, yes, while that person does have some proving to do, many affairs are the result of underlying problems. The affair is just a symptom.

It’s possible to climb out of this chaos if both of you cling to the conviction your marriage will survive. Statistics prove it’s probable once the healing process is complete your marriage will be healthy and happy.

You must take it one day at a time, for a very long time. Healing harm is not like making a cup of instant tea. Dysfunctional marriages don’t just get healthy with “I’m sorry” and “I never meant to hurt you”.

Divorce is the common solution for today’s unhappy marriage. About 50% of couple’s divorce and begin again with a more pleasing mate. So, while we commend you for having the grit to mend your marriage, the cheater must understand, a bunch of empty promises does nothing to rebuild trust after an affair.

 

The Devil’s In The Details

 

Will talking about details help rebuild trust after an affair?

 
Most victims of betrayal want to know details of the affair while the cheaters may be reluctant. Often this becomes a huge obstacle for both parties to overcome before deciding to move forward.
While it has been proven that marriages stand a better chance of survival when couples openly discuss details, some counselors stand by the notion that the risks outweigh the benefits.
But According to Marriage Expert – Dr Frank Gunzburg from the Break Through Learning Institute; it can be and is very effective (discussing details) but not before working through your internal struggles. Talking about details too soon or in the wrong setting can dramatically set back the healing process.

 

Individual Healing Must Come First

 
Learn first the techniques to develop control and understanding of your emotions, thoughts and behaviors brought on by the affair. This is a huge step in the healing process. After which, you may or may not find the details important like you originally thought.
There is not a clear cut path at this point – some victims feel they need details to move forward, some won’t need them.
As a victim it will help you to understand this is something that cannot be reversed. So it is paramount to be very careful about what you think you want to know.
The cheater should not ever instigate a discussion about details but rather understand that answering questions from the victim at this point can go a long way towards demonstrating honesty, transparency and even loyalty.

 

How can the Victim Work to Rebuild Trust after an Affair?

 

We emphasize with your pain. Heck, we even understand your primal need to wallow in feelings of embarrassment, hatred, abandonment, resentment and self-doubt. We know you feel like someone stuck a knife in your gut and twisted it.

Take time to be gentle with yourself. When you are ready, a little self-examination is in order:

What is your partner’s motivating factor? Is s(he) motivated to change? Or, is s(he) motivated to get out of trouble and ease his/her guilt feelings?

Is this just one more betrayal in a long line of affairs?

However, if your spouse committed adultery for the first time, s(he) isn’t demonstrating a negative behavior pattern. It was a big, bad mistake.

Can you find it in you to forgive your spouse?

Most people think forgiveness is for the benefit of the person who inflicted harm. You are not being magnanimous when you forgive. You are actually being selfish. Because what you wish for your spouse, you are actually wishing for you.

You see, forgiveness is love in action. If you have the willingness to forgive, you’re half-way over the hurdle. Look at it this way; you can love him/her without liking his/her actions at this moment.

Forgiving brings acceptance. You will accept the horrible events that happened in your marriage. You can’t change your partner’s unwise decisions; you can’t go back and request a do-over.

If you want a healthy, happy marriage, forgive yourself by getting your thoughts in harmony with divine law and order.

If you can sincerely give love, peace and wish all the blessings in life for your spouse, you will receive countless blessings. You can no longer be hurt when you realize you are the master of your thoughts, reactions and emotions.

 

How can the Cheater Work to Rebuild Trust after an Affair?

You have seriously mucked up.

In the heat of passion, you didn’t worry about consequences. Maybe you thought your spouse would never find out, excepting in some-kind of- way he/she did. So, you ended the hot connection and in the cold aftermath, you realized you’re dangerously close to losing the best thing that ever happened to you.

You had no desire to hurt your partner, your lover, your friend. You love him/her. You’re willing to do anything to rebuild trust after an affair. But, what can you do?

Now you must seriously grovel!

To fully realize the damage you caused you’ll need to see and feel your actions as your spouse sees them. This is part of a truly humbling process leading to you asking for forgiveness. You’ll need to give a genuine heartfelt apology that could actually thaw your partners icy feelings toward you.

From this moment and for a long, long time afterward, it’s all about your spouse. Don’t even consider making excuses about the affair. Just take responsibility for your actions. Be genuinely remorseful, express regret and consistently reassure your mate of your love and devotion.

These things can only happen when you change within. The change within happens when you feel what your partner felt about the affair and everything that came with it. Then you’ll understand the depth of commitment needed to be the person who would do never do that again.

Keep the lines of communication open. Prepare yourself to have many dialogues about your betrayal. Hold him/her while s(he) cries. Show him/her you have learned this life lesson. Call if you are running late. Always be found where you said you would be.

 

What Can We  Both do To Rebuild Trust After An Affair?

 

It is important for both a cheater and a victim to learn how to see things through their partners eyes.
With something as difficult as an affair – this can be extremely challenging. Who would want to voluntarily do something painful like that? Yet it is necessary.

This is where you’ll learn the communication techniques to understand how to meet your partners needs.

An affair is like a little death to marriage. When a big death happens, all the seasons must pass while healing takes place. Consider this as is a good milestone. Give your marriage  serious time and attention before you expect to totally rebuild trust after an affair.

Think of us as your cheering section as you work to rebuild trust after an affair. May your cup runneth over with goodness and light!

Save My Marriage Today Review

 

 

“Save my Marriage Today” was co-created by Amy Waterman and Andrew Rusbatch. This state-of-the-art home study course is available solely online.Save My Marriage Today Review

In it, you will see an impressive volume of information directed to people from all walks of life who are experiencing critical issues in their marriage.

Basically it is a training course, packed with crisis techniques promising to heal marriages when couples have one-foot in the divorce court. You are shown a step-by-step way to deal with every phase of marital breakups.

Amy Waterman is a relationships expert whose genres include dating, attraction and marriage guidance. She makes it clear on her personal web page that “Save My Marriage Todays” – powerful secrets are responsible for having saved over 6,000 marriages.

The timing couldn’t be more perfect for a course of this nature in a society where getting divorced is about as easy as buying bottled water. Amy Waterman and Andrew Rusbatch believe that marriages are worth saving and are making a collaborative effort to help marriages in trouble.

With Amy offering the female perspective and Andrew speaking from the male perspective, “Save my Marriage Today” raises this atypical rescue book to a higher dimension.

The course adopts the premise that you can save your marriage without help from your partner. It teaches new problem-solving techniques and different communication approaches that give you the ability to resolve conflicts.

Now – wouldn’t it be awesome if we had the power to stop infidelity before it starts? Amy discloses her 4-step formula to prevent infidelity, along with reasons your spouse may tell lies to spare your feelings.

You’ll get comprehensive answers to burning questions on how to deal with specific marital problems, including techniques to save your marriage following an affair and correct handling of crisis situations.

Young family sitting on floor with dog.Save my marriage today before it's too late.

While statistically it is the female who desperately seeks new information to heal a dysfunctional marriage, the principles in “Save my Marriage Today” are also applicable to males. The course applies to young married couples as well as couples in their golden years.

Perhaps your marriage isn’t yet in the danger zone, but it is in a rut. You’ll learn how to reignite the passion and put the magic back in your marriage. With romance returning, you’ll find your marriage healthier and stronger than before.

There are various reasons a marriage can get into crisis mode such as, having a baby, lack of trust, job pressures, dishonesty, romance lacking, spouse spends too much time at work, neglects you and so on. All these marriage wreckers and more are identified and addressed.

When trust is gone, the marriage is in great jeopardy. You’ll find a section dedicated to regaining trust, regardless the cause, whether due to an affair or another form of betrayal. By assessing yourself you will gain insights on how such marriage stressors arise in the first place.

What Do Real People Say About Save My Marriage Today?

(The following testimonials are from the company website)

Save My Marriage Today testimony

SMMTestimonycopy

 

 Visit The Official Save My Marriage Website

 

Altogether, the home training course in “Save my Marriage Today” includes 38 exercises. If you’re trying to save the marriage yourself, you’ll no doubt receive many insights as you examine yourself and your relationship.

However, the co-authors suggest that for the best possible outcome, both spouses should read “Save my Marriage Today” and work the exercises together.

The course prompts couples to communicate effectively in more detail about their marriage by discussing questions and how they answered them. However, if your spouse is unwilling to participate in helping rescue the relationship, you will garner personal benefits.

You’ll even learn how to appreciate the good things in your marriage. That way when you’re dealing with negative issues, remembering and expressing gratitude for the good things will help provide balance. happy senior couple close up

Included with “Save My Marriage Today” are six additional relationship products that seem to be well thought out in terms of complimenting the course.

1. Personal E-mail Consultation – Amy wants you to get personal attention from her staff of relationship experts. They will assess your particular situation.

2. “Stress – Comprehensive Guide to Wellness & Inner Peace” understanding your personal stressors, determine causes and become aware of ways stress is affecting your health and marriage.

3. “7 Ways to Live Life to the Max” – Learn how to tap into your inner-self for insights about how your marriage can change for the better.

4. “How to Be Happy” – uncovers secrets to happiness.

5. “How to Cheat-Proof your Relationship”– Find out ways to cheat-proof your marriage.

6. “6 Most Common Reasons for Divorce & How to Stop Them Happening to You” – how to avoid pain & suffering and create your happy marriage now.

Our Verdict: If you are 100% invested in salvaging your marriage, even if it seems hopeless, “Save my Marriage Today” just might be the vehicle for getting your spouse back onboard. We also like the transparency of a 60-day money-back, no-questions- asked guarantee.

Save My Marriage Today

Learn More At The Official Save My Marriage Website

 

Thank you for reading our Save My Marriage Today Review!

Does Marriage Counseling Work?

 

To be – or not to be counseled, that is the question.Couple & counselor during emotional session- Does marriage counseling work?

Or, does marriage counseling really help? For sure, marriage counseling is trendy in today’s throwaway society.

Many couples show up for a couple of therapy sessions, listen selectively and decide it’s not working. Then, it’s off to divorce court to dissolve their disposable marriage.

Others might try out six marriage counselors in three years only to decide it’s better or easier to discard the relationship.

In some instances, counseling sticks-and-stays with the couple. They learn and practice communication skills and problem solving techniques. The therapist guides them through positive and negative impacts of ending the relationship.

Of course, the best, most positive outcome is for each spouse to work on their “stuff” and release pent-up negative energy. This type of couple re-visions their marriage with a “clean” slate.

But, does marriage counseling really help?

We do not advocate, neither do we eschew marriage counseling. We do assume the position that only you can save your marriage. This is the collective you meaning both partners. We will show you tools that you can use starting now. What we offer is similar to a 12-step group – it works if you work it, one day at a time.

Ultimately, you are at choice to be counseled or not to be!

In all fairness, an effective marriage counselor can foster a safe and neutral environment where both partners feel comfortable to discuss their issues.

However, you can do it yourself if only you know how!

Now, obviously we cannot know your specific marital challenges. We can assure you the be-all, end-all where marriage success or failure is concerned is communication.

Communicating Effectively with your Spouse

It is unfortunate that men and women simply do not know how to communicate effectively.

For example, two women get together and one of them says, “Let’s talk.” If men could listen in they would get very frustrated. You see, neither of the women have an idea where their dialogue is going or its purpose. Further, they do not care!

Women enjoy the exercise of expressing themselves. Men find their loosey-goosey lack of structure frustrating and confusing. Men prefer an agenda!

Tool #1 – The Couple’s Meeting

Could both of you agree to establish a little ritual where you sit at a table, facing each other and really listen? Call it a couple’s meeting or whatever. Either partner can call a meeting provided they furnish talking points that state 1) what you wish to discuss 2) what you hope to accomplish 3) your expectations.

Let’s also agree that absolutes are out. Beginning a conversation with “you always” or “you never” puts the other person in a defensive posture. Surely you’ve been there.

Better to say, “Honey, I’d like to talk to you about __________. Why don’t you tell me your thoughts and I’ll tell you how I felt. That way, we’ll know how to better handle __________ the next time.

Tool #2 – Active Listening

 Hound dog with ears way out Actively listeningActive listening is one of the simplest tools that marriage counselors teach. You will be surprised at the depth it brings to your communication skills.

When your spouse is expressing himself, listen attentively. The partner who is expressing him/her self must focus on “I” not “you”.

For example, “I am feeling frustrated because…” “I am hurt because…” “I am angry because…”

Again, no absolutes allowed. The listener and the speaker should not say “you never” or “you always”.

After he/she is finished rephrase what you think he/she said and repeat it back to him/her.

It’s important not to include your point of view or defensive responses. Just repeat in your own words what your spouse said.

The final step is learning to validate and honor the other person’s feelings.

Tip: Try a mental role reversal and examine how you would feel in their shoes.

The validation step is the most difficult, but most rewarding.

Note: Active listening is intense. After about five minutes, the listener’s attention begins to wander. The speaker should strive to keep their venting at five minutes or less.

Does Marriage Counseling Really Help as a Last Resort?

Possibly. Maybe. We don’t know. Your level or readiness to be counseled has much to do with your level of success.

The majority of couples who seek marriage counseling have in essence reached the last house on the block before divorce court.

If you’ve got people depending on you, a couple of kids, the family dog, elderly parents and so forth, counseling as a last-ditch effort could work. If love is still alive between you, professional guidance could work.

Many people have been burned by conventional marriage counseling. Some couples have healed their marriage and built a stronger more passionate relationship. Do your marriage a huge a favor and examine all your options.

Thanks for reading does marriage counseling work at MarriageMaterial.Org.

 

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How To Save My Marriage

Simple Steps to Save Your Marriage

 

 Happy attractive couple she's embracing him from behind. She already learned how to save my marriage.No one ever gets married, thinking later on they’ll be asking “Help me save my marriage -please” Sadly it happens far too often with too many marriages.

We’re truly sorry that you are going through any of it. You have lots of company, although that’s not necessarily a comforting thing is it ?Roblox HackBigo Live Beans HackYUGIOH DUEL LINKS HACKPokemon Duel HackRoblox HackPixel Gun 3d HackGrowtopia HackClash Royale Hackmy cafe recipes stories hackMobile Legends HackMobile Strike Hack

Even though the divorce statistics alone could convince our entire dating population that marriage is a bad bet, there is strong evidence showing that if you are serious about saving your marriage then you most likely will. It is because you are willing to do something.

Below are a few success tips and ideas designed to help with some issues you may be facing right now.

Can Counseling Teach Me How To Save My Marriage?

Almost certainly one of the first questions going through your mind is – Does marriage counseling help? Sometimes, yet traditional counseling has a low success rate because of the disadvantage in that it relies on BOTH partners working together, and ultimately that does need to happen if you’re going to fix your marriage. However, this is not a typical situation when a marriage is in crisis.

 3D faceless couple arms crossed reluctant to seek help from marriage counselor.Often, there is a reluctant spouse unwilling to cooperate in the counseling environment. Issues such as scheduling and cost can also quickly become excuses to skip sessions or one partner goes without the other, reducing effectiveness.

A counselor might be recommended when you and your spouse feel there is no sign of compatibility. These will be areas such as extreme differences in basic values, goals, priorities and the levels of importance you assign to things such as money, family, friends, religion etc.

Although possibly a substantial investment, a counselor in this situation can help foster a neutral environment where you both can open up and discuss your differences and hopefully prevent a costly divorce and everything else that’s involved down that path.

Who Can Help Me Save My Marriage?

  • Your Mother or Father?
  • Friends?
  • Therapist?

  Try to understand that you need to be the one in control of your decisions.Yet because you are experiencing one of the most frustrating and emotional times of your life, you may not see that now.

Often one or both partners feel so isolated and frustrated they’ll question  can I save my marriage alone? To an extant -yes

You and your partners behavior have such a strong influence over each other that when you act (instead of react) the way you want to feel, this will not only help you but eventually  – without fail, start to transform your partner as well.

It sounds easier than it is: use responsibility for your actions and do not let your emotions control them. This is very powerful self training. This is also the very first step to saving your marriage.

You change what you can change because, even if your partner is reluctant or unwilling, your actions will start the repair process in three ways:

  1. You’ll be leading by example
  2.  Demonstrating control and calm can become contagious.
  3. Your willingness to “meet” way past the middle clearly shows your commitment to healing your marriage.

If you want to feel more respect and love for your partner – then act with more love and respect ( deposit). If you want to feel peace and calm – then act peaceful and calm. These actions will kickstart an incredible psychological phenomenon. You can replace negative feelings with positive actions – make sense? This is a win – or win win situation. Try it and see what develops.

My Partner Had An Affair What Should I Do?

An affair can be the most challenging marriage problem to overcome, and it will take teamwork.

Your first step is all about self healing- learning to let go of anger, resentment, blame and explore possibilities of what your role was in your partners decision to look elsewhere for their needs. To be clear – your partner had an affair, not you, you are not at fault for their actions. And your actions cannot be an excuse for the affair.

Rebuilding trust after an affair is possible or at least an easier process when certain elements are in place.

These are positive signs that will encourage the healing process

  • Your partner express remorse or guilt
  • All contact with the lover is willingly cut off 
  • Your spouse does not accuse you of causing the affair
  • Your spouse asking for or willing to seek counseling

What Do I Need To Help Me Save My Marriage?

  • Commitment
  • Respect
  • Trust
  • Companionship

You may be thinking that love or happiness is missing. That you need love in order to have a great marriage. Love is important, and while you may  not  feel love for your partner as an emotion just now you can show love as an action by focusing on the traits above.

Even the strongest marriage experiences times where the emotion of love may wane for a bit. In any team or  companionship you might not always feel love each other yet you’ll have disagreements, different viewpoints and still work through the issues because that’s what a team does.

If you stick to the commitment that you make together, respect and trust each other in your companionship, you’ll be plenty strong enough to weather all the storms and challenges your dealt.

Thank you for reading How to save my marriage, We  truly hope you found some value or even inspiration here and wish you all the best in your endeavor to save your marriage.

If you wish to take this further – we’ve included some recommended resources below.

“Save My Marriage Today” by Amy Waterman & Andrew Rusbach